if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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