Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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