If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
