I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
