I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
