Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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