If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
