just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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