Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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