I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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