her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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