There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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