He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
another moral hangover. fuck.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
