I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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