spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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