my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
