If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
