after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize