You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
