Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
