My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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