one two three fourrrrnication!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
