but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
