I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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