Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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