My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
