I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You are a genius and a whore.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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