I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
