Im at strip club and am horny
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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