i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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