my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
