'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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