She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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