I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
