You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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