I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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