my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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