We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
