As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
