so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
