sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize