im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
