I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
