Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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