She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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