I faked an abortion last night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she told me i tasted like america
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
