she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
