I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
