i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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