Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize