he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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