my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i love accidental penises.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize