hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
