did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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