i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
