bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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