I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
