He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
