I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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