I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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