I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
