just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
