Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
