I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
