Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
