I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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