Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
