Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
