My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
