you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
