i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
