Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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