you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you win again, gameday.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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