Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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