Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
