I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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