Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
