We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
