first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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