i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
