I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
