Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
