6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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