Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize