I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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