This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
