u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize